If a man were to be judged based solely on posts and comments women in Mommy Groups on Facebook share, the majority would be considered adulterous, abusive, selfish, and terrible at fatherhood.
Every day I read from a woman seeking the counsel of other women in these groups. Out of a place of desperation and heartbreak, these women are searching for an answer on how they should feel and if they should stay in terrible conditions. Many women are married, many are not; most have children with their significant other. They are hurting and confused. They want to know “What should I do?”
It breaks my heart to see the pain men are putting women through. It makes me fearful for our future sons and daughters. It seems there are men reverting to boys and women forgetting their worth in order to save a child from being fatherless. Women are being forced into an unhealthy independence that they were never meant to shoulder. Hearts are hardening, women are settling, and cycles are being created that will become more difficult to break as time progresses.
It seems all hope is lost. But, it is not!
There are actual MEN out there!!
My husband happens to be one of them. I have a most supportive and loving spouse. He encourages, inspires, listens, and partners with me through life. From my dreams and goals, 50 pounds heavier or lighter, dressed up or down, in a good mood or irritable, he is always there and always supportive and loving. I thank God for him, daily.
After my fair share of boys, it is refreshing to have a man. I now recognize the necessary traits. There are qualities a supportive man possess that we as women need to be seeking out.
I read recently “Being polite these days is so rare that it’s often confused with flirting.” Very true and how very sad.
I believe women are falling for a momentary encounter with politeness rather than a long-lasting allegiance to morals and loyalty.
The true test of a man is not in the words he lavishes upon you, but in his actions.
While respect, attractiveness, honesty, and more are all traits of a good man… I’ve listed 3 additional attributes I believe supportive men posses.
A man encourages his partner. He pays attention to her talents and motivates her to put her all into pursuing her passions. He does not get jealous of her desire for life outside of the relationship. Rather, he nudges her to find that place of her own because he knows it is healthy for her and for the relationship.
A man listens to his significant others concerns and does not belittle her for her feelings. He will recognize that there are times he doesn’t need to provide a solution, only a shoulder. Even if he can’t understand where she is coming from, he knows that because it matters to her that his support is needed. At the same time, he will communicate with her in a loving manner. Just as there will be times she will let him know he may be out of line, he will also guide her back in love.
Be A Safe Place
In the arms of a loving man; there is no safer place. With the right person, a woman will feel secure and able to fully be herself. She will feel desired and wanted. Yes, there will (and should) be a physical sense of safety; that is important. But, there needs to be a sense of safety in vulnerability as well. A woman gives her heart in a way that is more powerful and intense than a man. He needs to be deserving of it. He will understand this and make her feel like the only woman in the world. If he does not, he is not a safe place.
While the above are my top 3, they may not be yours. Deep down we all know what love is. It is instinctive.
When it hurts, belittles, takes more than it gives.
When it disrespects, mocks, controls, and ignores.
When it feels one-sided, when it publicly embarrasses you, physically hurts you, or betrays you without repentance and change. When you have to ask others “What should I do?” or you question how you should feel on a regular basis….
It is not love and he is not a true man; a good and decent man. Your gut is telling you what to do. My best advice is this: Go with what you know and not what you feel.